By now, you should be signed up to some great sites and you should have put up a great profile description with great dating pictures. These will show how charming you are, how sensitive you can be, and ideally, how hot you are as well. But that is all only stage one. Now you have to start the serious work: getting the message out there. And that message has to show how great you are and wonderful you think she is. This is the time to be proactive as no girl is want to get with a guy who thinks she should do all the running.
So you want to be the first to make contact and you want to do it right. You are not going to get a second chance to make a first impression, so your online dating service first email is vital to your success with the girls on these sites. Luckily for you guys, we went through a bit of an experiment here to work out what would sound good and what wouldn’t when it came to getting a girl’s attention. We tested over 50 separate ways of what to say to women online. These ranged from the very basic (i.e. “Hi!”) to entire monologues about their beauty and our greatness for each other. We have taken what we learnt from these messages and boiled it down to a few simple rules you can use for crafting your own personal messages for these woman. These will give you the best chances for making that all-important first impression and making sure you get a great reply.
The First Message: A Breakdown
Short And Sweet
The monologue, essay thing? Nope. That idea is a complete waste of time. No girl really wants to read all about you for the next half hour of her life. Keep any message short and sweet and limit it to only the basic information she might want about you when making a decision about continuing the conversation. This saves you time (so you can message more women) and means that you remain a little bit mysterious to her so she will want to learn more.
So keep it to the basics. Just give her some general information about you such as name, age, what you do, both occupationally and socially and where you live. Then you need to write something about why you have picked her out of all the girls on the site. This is where you get specific. Pick something from her profile or her picture and talk about those. You really want to show her how much attention you paid (women love attention) and that you are not just sending out generic emails. Each one should be tailor-made for that girl.
Make It Fun
Your message will stand out from the crowd if it is worth reading, and the best way to do that is to make it funny. The worst thing you can do is come off super serious about yourself. Instead, have a laugh about yourself and show that you can take a joke at your own expense. There is an additionally plus to having a little laugh at something about yourself. If you make fun of yourself in one part of the message, you can also big up yourself in another. But do not make fun of her in the message though. No negging. You want to charm her and show that you will be funny for, not that she is funny for you.
One thing that you absolutely cannot miss out is what we called the “test”. This has to be in your first dating service message and is something that compels her to reply. It should be a question, ideally about herself, and ideally about something you have picked up from her profile. That way its show how much attention (the magic word) that you have been paying. If she mentions a dog, ask her about it. If she talks about classes she takes, as her what. Anything to make sure that she feels she should reply and enables you to strike up a conversation. This is the part that most men miss – a great profile or message on its own is not magically going to make her want to talk to you, it is you that has to start the conversation flowing and then she will reciprocate.
3 Bad Emails
These are the three worst things you can say in these early messages. It makes us cringe to think we even sent them, but we felt compelled in the name of science and for men everywhere. We had a hunch they might not work to start with but we now have it backed up with hard data…
There are so obvious dos and don’ts in these messages, and these are the don’ts. It was really horrible sending them, particularly when they were to a hot girl we would of otherwise loved to get with. But in the name of science and just for you guys we sent these out anyway. Enjoy.
- You’re hot. I’m hot. We should be hot together. (She replied, saying I wasn’t hot. Ouch.)
- I just closed a 2.5 million dollar deal and am gonna fly to Antibes to celebrate this weekend. Wanna come? (Note: This girl didn’t reply, but the kind of girls that do reply to this type of message are usually scammers. If you mention money in your messaging, you deserve to get scammed.)
- Hey. I have been having a bad time recently and am looking for someone to chat to and take care of my sensitive side for a bit. Can we meet for a drink or coffee or walk or something soon? (Grow a pair, dude!)
Do not make these mistakes! We have done it for you!
3 Great Emails
Now on to what to say. These messages worked well for us and guaranteed an email back. Follow this kind of script if you really want your inbox to overflow…
- Hey there. My name is Joey, and by the looks of it I love just around the corner from you. I liked what you said in your profile and you look really nice in your picture. Your dog looks cute as well. Is that a Pomeranian? I have a little Cocker Spaniel called Spuds. You said you were looking for someone who is hot, but down to earth. Well, I’m a chef so I am always hot, but I only cook simple dishes for regular folk at a bar nearby, so I think I am fairly down to earth. Would be great to hear back from you. Joey.
- OK, I’ll admit it, I am not your knight in shining armor. My armor (by which I mean my 2006 Civic) is kinda rusty if anything, and HM the Queen has yet to bestow an honor on me, but I haven’t given up hope, particularly considering all my charity work. So if you really want a non-knight (squire) in a rusty car, then I am all you have been looking for! (Fun and stupid. She’ll laugh and at least give you points for trying, at which point you can get the conversation going.)
- Hi! I cut to the point – you look great in your pictures and your profile makes you sound like a lot of fun. Of course, you are not going to put up pictures in which you look hideous and tell the world that you are dull, but I have a good feeling about you nonetheless. Maybe it is the picture of you downing a pint in your local that does it for me. Is that The Tiger Bar on ninth? Used to go there quite a bit. Anyway. You look and sound super cool and I hope you think I do to.